Conversation With a Cupboard Man

You ask me what I did when I saw this girl. Well, I'll tell you. You see that cupboard there, it takes up most of the room. I ran all the way back here, climbed inside and tossed myself off. Don't think I thought about the girl while I did it. No, I couldn't bear that. I went back in my mind till I was three feet high. That made it came quicker. I can see you think I'm dirty and bent. Well, I washed my hands afterwards, which is more than some people. And I felt better too. Do you see what I mean, I unwound. The way things have been up here in this room what else is there? It's all right for you. I bet you live in a clean house and your wife washes the sheets and the government pays you to find out about people. All right, I know you're a ... what is it? ... a social worker and you're trying to help, but you can do me no good except by listening. I won't change now, I've been me too long.

Ian McEwan, First Love, Last Rites